哭死

贝碧，当棉花弟弟离开时，妈咪还为此难过了一阵子。棉花弟弟的妈咪心理的痛可想而知。

贝碧，当时妈咪曾经问某人看到别人的宝贝离开了都会感到伤心难过。如果是自己的宝贝离开了，怎么办？某人回答说：“哭死啦！”

贝碧，妈咪已不知哭了几百回，怎么还没死？

贝碧，是因为还哭得不够吗？

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HATE

Baby…… Mummy hates to lose you this way.

Baby…… Mummy hates myself for not being with you till your very last moment.

Baby…… Mummy hates to think that you are still suffering, lonely and in fear.

Baby…… Mummy hates not be able to hug you to sleep anymore.

Baby…… Mummy hates waking up every morning and realise you are no longer by my side.

Baby…… Mummy hates searching for you in the house and yet I can’t find you.

Baby…… Mummy hates not be able to hold and touch you anymore.

Baby…… Mummy hates not be able to cook yummy food for you anymore.

Baby…… Mummy hates not be able to bring you out for walk any more.

Baby…… Mummy hates not be able to protect you anymore.

Baby…… Mummy hates yearning for you and yet Mummy can do nothing to bring you back.

Baby…… Mummy hates missing you every single moment.

Baby…… Mummy hates loving you too much.

Baby…… Mummy hates the pain in my heart.

Baby…… Mummy hates the tears flowing out from my eyes.

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看

贝碧，妈咪很努力地睁大眼睛在屋里寻找着你的踪影，却怎么看也看不到你。

贝碧，妈咪闭上眼睛时，用心去看才会看到你。偶尔你在房里、偶尔你躺在床上、偶尔你在客厅、偶尔你在靴架上、偶尔你在窗户下、偶尔你在冰箱旁、偶尔你在厨房后面，提起一只脚，小小鸟正在扫射、偶尔你卷起身躯，小屁屁往下，正在做奇臭无比的蛋糕。

贝碧，妈咪看得很清楚，越是清楚，心就越痛，泪水又再往下流。

贝碧，这样的话，妈咪应该看还是不看？

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爱

贝碧，昨晚妈咪带小姐们去散步，在电梯里碰到一位大叔。他看到小姐们对妈咪说：“哇，养了两只，很麻烦的。” 妈咪回答道：“不麻烦。” 大叔接着说：“我以前也养了一只，很麻烦，到处都是毛。” 妈咪对他说：“不麻烦，有感情的，不会嫌麻烦。” 大叔回答说：“是有感情。” 妈咪问他：“那你的那只呢？” 大树回答道：“送给别人了，他是很乖。”

贝碧，妈咪沉默不语，心想显然的，大叔对他的爱不够，才能这样轻易把这么乖的他送走。” 妈咪心理只能祈祷着他正在一户好人家，得到他所应得的爱。

贝碧，爱是伟大的，不是吗？你可听过 The Power of Love 这句话？

贝碧，如果爱能让你活久一点，那妈咪对你们的爱一定能让你们长命百岁，可惜再多的爱也不能决定你们寿命的长短。

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Another sucky day

Baby…… Mummy is very sick, having a bad flu and sucky cough.

Baby…… Mummy doesn’t know what’s wrong with Girby, she had been refusing food since yesterday. Puppie had started her fussy pattern on food again.

Baby…… Mummy is very tired, too tired……

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It’s your day

Baby…… It’s your birthday today. If you are still alive, you will be 8th year old today.

Baby…… Mummy sings a birthday song for you……

Happy birthday to you……
Happy Birthday to you……
Happy Birthday to Baby……
Happy Birthday to you……

Baby…… Mummy had prepared some food and a cake for you. Do enjoy it.

Baby…… This is your favourite spot, our shoe cabinet. You love lying on top of the shoe cabinet either watching the time goes by or waiting for Daddy and Mummy to come home.

Baby…… Remember our previous house, there is a pillar surrounding our balcony, you three little lambs love lying there. Guess you like the feeling of being so high up, just like you like to watch what’s happening downstairs through our window.

Baby…… Now you are high up right above the sky, Mummy could not get hold of you anymore.

Baby…… Girby refused her food today, Puppie ate in the morning, but she also refused to eat in the evening. Mummy doesn’t know why, maybe they knew it’s your birthday today and decided to give their share to you.

Baby…… Remember last year when Mummy celebrated your 7th year old birthday? It’s the first time Mummy celebrated for you, Mummy didn’t know that it would be the last……

Baby…… Mummy just found this journal written by you during your last birthday. It was wrtten on the 20 Jan 2008. Mummy wanted to include this journal when I scrap your birthday layout.

Baby…… This is what you wrote:

I am a happy boy today. Today is my 7th year old birthday, Mummy woke up real early and brought us for walk, followed by a delicious homecooked meal in the late afternoon. In the evening, I had a yummy strawberry cheesecake. I don’t really fancy the cake, I think my wife and daughter like it better.

When I am about to call it a night and go into my dreamland, I saw Mummy sitting on the sofa deep in thoughts, there was sadness in her eyes. I thought I almost saw tears flowing out from her eyes. I know what’s bothering her. In fact, she had been having all these thoughts during the past few months, especially when she found that Enson Didi grows up really fast. She felt that time passes too quickly, she is so afraid of losing us one day.

I am 7th year old and it’s equivalent to human age of 35 years old. Haha, I am even older than Mummy. I want to tell Mummy not to be sad. I think she think too much. I want to tell Mummy I really love her, I want to tell Mummy I can feel her love and tender loving care.

Mummy…… Eversince Enson Didi arrival, I can see changes. You are always so busy. And I know you are feeling guilty when we are neglected. Mummy…… Don’t worry, I still love you. Although I don’t really fancy Enson Didi, he only know how to chase us in his walker, pulling our tails and furs, but I will try to love him k. That day, I know your heart almost stop beating when Enson Didi pull my tail without my knowledge. Mummy…… I am so angry! I growled and caught his hand in my mouth. You are so relieved when Enson Didi started to giggle. Mummy…… you know I won’t bite him. I know he is your precious too. And I know we all are……

Mummy…… I am glad you always protect us from Enson Didi. When he try to pull our fur and tails, you would stop his michevious action and scold him. I am so glad my place in your heart remains the same, I know it’s even more as days pass by.

Mummy…… My birthday wish is your wish. You want us to stay together with you forever, but Mummy…… this is impossible. We will have to go someday. Please don’t be sad if we really go, I will be at the rainbow bridge. I heard it’s a fun place to be in with many doggie friends and many yummy foods to eat. I know you are worried with my anti-social character, I won’t be able to make friends with my peers.

Mummy…… I promise I will try to be more friendly when I go there. I promise I won’t be lonely. I can still watch you right from above the sky.

Mummy…… Stop thinking about us leaving you someday, treasure the time we have with you now. I promise, I promise, I promise I will stay with you as long as I can, together with Girby and Puppie.

Baby…… Didn’t you promise to stay with Mummy as long as you can? Why did you have to leave me 8 months later?

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Say Goodbye

Baby…… Say Goodbye. Mummy had just cancelled your licence on your 8th year old birthday today……

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We could have……

Baby…… Mummy is very depressed. Tomorrow is your 8th year old birthday.

Baby…… We could have a mini birthday celebration. We could have going for walk early in the morning. Mummy could have whip up your favourite food, follow by a yummy birthday cake in the evening.

Baby…… How to do all these without you now?

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We went to the vet

Baby…… We visited Dr Shum again today. Girby has many red patches under her belly and she had been scratching herself lately.

Baby…… Mummy had Puppie microchip. Eek…… pain pain. Now the part of the body where she got the microchip injection is sore.

Baby…… Mummy is going to cancel your licence soon. It’s the official good bye to the government body, officially mark the death of you.

Baby…… Reality still hurt badly. Loving you…… My Baby Boy.

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You hear that?

Baby…… You hear that? Did you hear the dehydrator sound? The blower sound? The drying sound? The hu~hu~hu sound?

Baby…… Mummy is drying chicken now. For the first time…… without you by my side.

Baby…… Remember how you would get all excited whenever Mummy brought out the dehydrator. Yeah, you are going to get more treats.

Baby…… You waited patiently for Mummy while Mummy place the chicken on the trays. Then Mummy on the dehydrator. You would still be sitting there and wait patiently. Mummy had to tell you: ” Not yet Baby…… got to wait for another day.”

Baby…… Another day came, when you heard Mummy taking out the treats from the dehydrator, you came running to the kitchen. Again…… you waited patiently…… Mummy always save the last few pieces for you before placing the rest of the treats in the fridge.

Baby…… You are always so happy to get your treats, off you run and jump up to the sofa or off you run to the bedroom and jump up to our bed, enjoying your treats.

Baby…… When you are done, you ran to the kitchen again. Mummy got to be hard hearted and tell you: “Baby…… no more, you are getting fat. Then you followed Mummy out of the kitchen with disappointment.

Baby…… Remember what Mummy told you? If you want to live a long long life, you cannot eat so much. Don’t you want to stay longer with Mummy?

Baby…… You live to eat, Mummy knows all that. Can’t Mummy has the best of both world? To dote you, to let you eat and you stay forever with Mummy.

Baby…… The dehydrator is still drying the chicken. The hu~hu~hu sound continues…… The chicken treats will be ready tomorrow night……

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