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Archive for March, 2009

Reality hits back

Baby…… Mummy misses you so much! Yesterday night, Mummy couldn’t sleep, thinking of you brings tears to my eyes.

Baby…… Mummy ran to your cozy corner, looking at your photo hurts so much, tears won’t stop flowing. Mummy took out your urn, unwrapped it and look at your ashes. Mummy touched your ashes, trying to figure which part of the ashes belong to which part of your body.

Baby…… Mummy saw your gum with many holes, I knew there are where your teeth are. One tooth is still attached to the gum, Mummy couldn’t help and touched it, the tooth came loose. Reality hits back! Mummy break down and cried again. Mummy knew you are gone forever, what you left for Mummy is your lifeless ashes…… and those fond memories which hurts so much till today.

Baby…… Mummy still misses you so so so badly……

Baby…… Before Mummy sleep, Mummy begged you to come to my dream, but you did not……

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难过的时候

贝碧,不知道为什么难过的时候特别想你。妈咪越是想你,心里越是难过。

贝碧,格碧今天不乖,恩晟受伤了。。。。。。

贝碧,妈咪彻底崩溃了。。。。。。

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Mummy saw him……

Baby…… Mummy saw him at the park when I bought the ladies for walk this morning. Mummy’s heart sank immediately, he bought a dog for walk, should be the clinic patient.

Baby…… Mummy detoured and went into the dog run. He came near the dog run with his patient. Mummy avoided any eye contact with him. He walked away after Girby started to bark at his patient. When we walked towards the ATM machine, Mummy saw him again. He was on the way back to the clinic. An old aunty came to chat with Mummy complimented how cute the girls are, giving Mummy no chance to have a face to face situation with him.

Baby…… Mummy’s heart is so painful…… Mummy’s heart sank so deeply……

Baby…… Mummy is such a weakling! Mummy should have go right up to him and ask him:” Hey you remember Baby the maltese who you guys diagnosed with diabetes? I am his Mummy, he passed away few days later after he came back from your clinic.”

Baby…… Mummy had always hate confrontation. Indeed confrontation will not bring you back to me, but Mummy shouldn’t have let them scot-free right? Shouldn’t some justice be done for you?

Baby…… Mummy is so sorry…… Mummy fails you once again……

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Baby…… We went to West Coast Dog Run this morning. Mummy doesn’t remember when is the last time we came here, it must have been a very long time. After we shifted to our present home, we only came once or maybe we didn’t at all, so it’s about four years since we last came here.

Baby…… Today is a wet day. There are not much people and dogs in the dog run, guess it’s because of the muddy ground after the rain in the night.

Baby…… When we went in, Mummy didn’t dare to off leash Girby. It’s been so long since we last came here, Mummy doesn’t know how she will react when she saw her ‘friends’. Only after a while, then Mummy off leash her. She still run to bark at her ‘friends’, but quickly run back to Mummy after barking. Lucky she didn’t disgrace Mummy much.

Baby…… The dog run seems to be bigger since the last time we came here. Actually is the same size, but don’t know why Mummy felt that it had become bigger. Maybe Mummy had got used to our own mini dog run or maybe my giantic size Baby is not there……

Baby…… Mummy managed to take some pictures of the rascals.

Enson Didi the little monkey
wcdr-enson

Panting Girby
wcdr-girby

Happy Girby & Puppie
wcdr-girby2
wcdr-puppie1

Little lamb in disguise *Girby: “Grass eating time again, I love long skinny grass, Puppie must be in somewhere now enjoying her ‘snack’ too.”*
wcdr-girby3
wcdr-girby4

I will follow you……
Baby…… something is missing in this picture again……

you didn’t follow Daddy again……wcdr-gpde

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不痛

贝碧,你是不是睡着了就不痛了?

贝碧,可以不要一直睡下去吗?妈咪好自私,想要你回来,让妈咪找最好的兽医帮你治病,可能只需痛多一阵子,你就不能忍多一阵子吗?

贝碧,回来让妈咪抱抱好吗?

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贝碧,妈咪好怕,好怕时间过得越久,你会离妈咪越远。

贝碧,昨晚妈咪又哭着入眠。妈咪还在质疑你是否真的已离开妈咪。在屋里的每一个角落都存在着你的每一个回忆。

贝碧,妈咪只能想象你还在家里的某处,只是妈咪看不见而已。这样的想象是否能让妈咪好过点?

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Baby…… Mummy has been hesitating whether should Mummy post this entry. This entry had been in the draft box since 21st February 2009. Finally, Mummy decided to go ahead.

Baby…… What is considered a good and reliable vet? Mummy doesn’t know anymore. Before your departure, Mummy thought I knew. After your departure, Mummy really doesn’t know anymore.

Baby…… On September 29, 2008(Monday), Mummy bought you to Clinic P with your urine sample. We were at the waiting area while Dr PY did a test on your urine. Dr PY said you had diabetes, Mummy got so worried and started to tear. Dr P told Mummy you need to come back for a blood curve observation, if you don’t get treated, you will die. How come she didn’t tell Mummy if you get treated, you will also die. Dr PY said Mummy could seek a second opinion if I want to. At that point of time, it seems like only a harmless comment. Now Mummy regretted so much why I didn’t listen to her? Mummy should have seek a second opinion.

Baby…… Mummy had requested a copy of you laboratory report, it’s stated your glucose is 0.772, the normal range is 3.5-5.7. The result is so weird, did they copy it wrongly?

test

Baby…… On October 2, 2008(Thursday), Mummy sent you back to Clinic P for the blood curve observation. Dr PY called Mummy in the late afternoon, she said you are responding well to the treatment, but you still need to stay over the night in the clinic.

Baby…… On October 3, 2008(Friday), Mummy went to pick you up in the evening. You are finally back home. You looked so tired.

Baby…… On October 4, 2008(Saturday), Mummy had to call the emergency no. early in the morning because you had been vomiting non-stop over the night. Dr PY asked Mummy to continue with the insulin jab despite Mummy telling her most probably you will not eat. Baby…… She is the vet, a professional, Mummy should trust her right? True enough, you didn’t want your breakfast. Mummy is so worried and bought you back to Clinic P for day observation. Dr PY called Mummy in the late afternoon, she wanted Mummy to cook your favourite food, be it the chicken rice from the coffee shop. Now the main concern is get you to eat. Mummy quickly cooked your favourite food and went down. Dr PY had already left the clinic. You ate some when Mummy coaxed you. You knew you can’t go home if you refused to eat. They gave Mummy some gastric pills when they discharged you.

Baby…… On October 5, 2008(Sunday), you didn’t get well. Mummy wanted to bring you to Clinic E to see Dr ET, but their lab closed at 11am and could not do a blood test if it’s needed. Mummy could not make it before 11am because it’s your Daddy’s younger brother wedding on that day.

Baby…… Mummy decided to bring you to Clinic T, it will be only be open at 2pm. We were waiting outside the building as it’s still too early. When we went in, Mummy then realized Dr GH is not on duty. The vet on duty that day is Dr NSL. Mummy related your case to her, she gave you an injection to stop your vomitting and some medication. Throughout the whole consultation, she didn’t really check on you. She can administrated treatment for you just by listening to Mummy? So she presume you are having gastric problem after listening to Mummy. She did a blood test on you as requested by Mummy and was told that you doesn’t seems to be diabetes, but it could be due to you not eating anything thus your glucose level didn’t raise up.

Baby…… Mummy had wasted two days equivalent to 48 hours on two vets. They didn’t know you are in such critical condition. If Mummy had sent you straight to Clinic/Hospital A on Saturday, will the outcome be different?

Baby…… On October 6, 2008(Monday), Mummy had to work, Mummy had fixed an appointment with Clinic C for Dr ED on October 7, 2008(Tuesday) morning as their slot are full on that day. When Mummy came back from work in the evening, you had already vomited all over the house. Daddy wanted to send you to MP Hospital, but Mummy is so afraid of that hospital. Mummy quickly called Clinic C again, wanted Dr ED to see you, but the receptionist said Dr ED had went off for the day. Mummy asked her to call for Dr ED to come back, Mummy is willing to pay for the emergency fee. Then Dr MM came to the phone, Mummy related the whole thing to him, he asked Mummy to go back to Clinic P! Out of desperation, Mummy requested Dr MM to see you. Mummy told him I will be bringing you down right now. Dr MM said…… He won’t be free to see you! Mummy can still bring you down if I want to, but they will only put you on drip there overnight until Dr ED come back the next morning to see you. Baby…… It’s only 6pm in the evening! A life is at stake! To think that Clinic C got such good reputation in most pet forums! To think they are so called vet who saves animal life! What had driven him to become a vet? Mummy is sure that it’s definitely not compassion for animals, not the passion to save lives anymore. At this moment, Mummy is disheartened and anguished.

Baby…… Thanks to Feng Jie Jie, she helped Mummy to call Clinic/Hopistal A during this desperate moment. The receptionist at Clinc/Hospital A called Mummy within minutes. After Mummy related the whole thing to her, she asked Mummy to bring you down now even though their appointments are full.

Baby…… When we reached there, the nurse took your blood for testing. We managed to see Dr LS after a while. After Dr LS examined you, she knew that you are in critical condition. Dr LS looked at the lab result Mummy bought, again she mentioned the report is weird, and you don’t seem to be diabetes.

Baby…… You need to be hospitalized, the next 48 hours are crucial. Hopefully you would be able to go home on Wednesday.

Baby…… On October 7, 2008(Tuesday), Mummy was on the way to visit you, The lab assistant M from Clinic P called Mummy to check on you. Mummy told her you don’t seems to be diabetes, she said your symptoms and urine test result show that you are diabetes. Anyway Mummy told her I don’t wish to discuss this, I only want my Baby to get well and up again.

Baby…… In the late afternoon, Dr PY from Clinic P called Mummy. She told Mummy she had called Dr LS from Clinic/Hospital A, they were exchanging pointers and comparing notes, she hopes this will aid the treatment for you. Baby…… Is she really genuinely concern about you? Mummy isn’t sure anymore.

Baby…… On that fateful day, October 8, 2008(Wednesday), Dr M from Clinic/Hospital A called Mummy and told Mummy you might not make it. Everything seems to be daze for Mummy on that day. Mummy is confused, Mummy thought your condition had stable. Mummy rushed down to see you. Dr LS is off that day thus Dr M is monitoring your case. Your pancreas is very inflamed causing all other organs to fail. In the evening when Daddy came to see you the last time, he then realized you were treated with insulin again with the other treatment. Daddy asked Dr M can’t they treated your pancreas first without the insulin. Dr M said must treated both together. Daddy got nothing to say anymore. All along, Daddy always feels that insulin is the cause of your sudden illness.

Baby…… Dr PY from Clinic P didn’t call anymore after you left Mummy. I reckoned she knew you were gone. Why she didn’t call and ask about you? Guess she must be feeling relieved that Mummy didn’t went back to confront them.

Baby…… So you are indeed diabetes or not? Mummy is really confused. Many times Mummy wanted to ask Dr LS when we went back there, but Mummy just couldn’t bring myself to ask her.

Baby…… Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes the truth is hidden. Sometimes the truth is not the truth anymore. Mummy just had to let go.

Baby…… Mummy is so disheartened and had lost trust in vets. Mummy doesn’t know who to trust anymore, but still we need them…… don’t we?

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